It’s been a long time since writing! Usually I write about my love for this country, and I could write a million and one more things about that, but not today…
I’m working on some small writing projects for Ezekiel Rain, one of them being about worship and it’s importance to us as a ministry. I wrote my first decent draft and had Kelli check it out. It wasn’t bad except I missed something rather important…intimacy in worship. I thought to myself, “How did I skip out on this?” I began re-working what I wrote and reading notes from Stephen Venable’s class on Night and Day Prayer. At the same time I had a Grace Kim Worship with the Word set playing from IHOP and she was singing, “Oh I just want a heart that is fully in love.” Tears welled up in my eyes as I read quotes from Stephen’s class of how easily we forget Jesus himself in worship…that when we think of worship we should think of Jesus. I just kept thinking, “I did the same thing! How could I have written about worship but hardly mentioned the name of Jesus himself?” Sure, I talked about the throne room and how He is worthy because He’s God–but it goes so much deeper. It made me realize how quickly I can forget to just fix my eyes on this beautiful man. I began thinking of my quiet times in the morning…have I just simply adored Jesus? When was the last time I sat down and just simply declared my love to Him?
Mary of Bethany suddenly came to mind, anointing Jesus with her costly perfume; I thought of the “sinful woman” who entered the house of the pharisee and washed Jesus’ feet with her tears. What love…what adoration. I opened up to Psalm 45, a very precious Psalm to me in moving to Thailand. I read the verse that says to leave your people and your father’s house for the King desires your beauty…bow down to Him.
My initial response to all this was…”Why did I ever leave IHOP? That was my job to just love Jesus through worship…I just want to go back to that where it was next to impossible to lose sight of Jesus.” It was heart-breaking to realize I lost focus of the One who really, truly matters. Worship has become something I’ve talked about and done so much of, but I kind of lost focus of who it was all about. Yes, I was still singing to Him…at least using His name, but my heart hasn’t been set in that sweet and simple adoration.
Around that same time I had a brief conversation via skype with a friend (I know…getting a little off focus) but he mentioned taking his youth group through the Gospels. It was then I thought about the fact that it had been weeks since I just meditated on the life of Christ:
I stopped to simply remember the man Christ Jesus-the beautiful One, the one who has made God known, who has been since the beginning…the I AM. He’s the One who looked with compassion on a crowd of 5,000 and fed them from 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. He’s the man who, in His great love, healed the sick, caused the blind to see and the lame to leap. When everyone condemned the prostitute, He was the one to show mercy. He’s the tender one who wept with his friends at the loss of their brother, even though He knew in just a matter of moments He would raise him from the dead. The loss of his dear friend and cousin, John, caused Him to pull away to a desolate place. He was zealous for His Father’s house to be a place of worship. He put His life on the line time and again, saying controversial things, His heart longing for the “religious ones” to see Him for who He was. He’s the one who left the glory He had with the Father since the beginning of time to become like one of us, so we could be with Him forever. He gave everything up for us to forever become a man just so we could be with Him where He is. He endured unimaginable pain and hostility as He gave His life up on the cross, never losing sight of the joy set before Him. When all of His friends, His closest friends deserted, rejected, and denied Him, He responded with mercy and forgiveness and then appointed them to go out into all the world and preach the Good News of the Kingdom of God. And now…now He is seated at the right hand of the Father, interceding for us, anticipating the day of His return in which He will rule and reign on this earth forever.
It’s humbling to admit the truth–the intercessory missionary lost focus, but I’m grateful for His kind and gentle reminder-drawing me back to simply remembering and gazing upon Him. I won’t write the paper the same, and I’m thankful for that, too.
I write this because writing helps me process my thoughts, but because others may be in the same place-worshiping and singing the songs about all the things He does, but not taking the time to stop and adore, to draw near and meditate on the beautiful man, Jesus. We serve a BEAUTIFUL God. There’s no one other one like Him. No other religion can speak of a man who laid everything He had down for the sake of love-to draw us after Him-while we were still sinners. He’s gracious, compassionate, abounding in steadfast love. At the same time He’s a jealous lover, a warrior, and a King. None can compare to Him! He’s One we should give of our time to simply gaze upon and think about. His life is one in which we should take the time to meditate upon and ponder. We will left completely and utterly undone, ruined by His great love and mercy.
